The Wingman’s Path

        The country was certainly more divided at the Thanksgiving of 1863.

With Thanksgiving fast approaching I’ve been reading about, and even more unfortunately, hearing from friends and clients about, holiday plans being canceled.

The NY Times even mentioned a couple that has changed the location of their wedding so that the groom’s aunts, strong Trump supporters, won’t be able to attend.

And it’s far from just “extended” family. A client told me the other day she got “into it” with her children and told them she voted for Trump because she believes he will keep the country safer for them and their children.

They called her a racist and said they won’t be coming for Thanksgiving.

Her daughter said, “I don’t know how, as a woman you could vote for him. I don’t know who you are anymore”.

Welcome to the new normal. Love him or hate him, he has everyone talking about him and his politics. Only it’s not your ordinary politics.

The shame is that this divisiveness is infiltrating every part of our daily life, from the boardroom to the bedroom to the theater.

And it’s killing our individual, community and societal vibrations.

You knew it wouldn’t take too long before our last bastion of love, the Thanksgiving dinner table, became a war zone.
And regrettably, the emotional casualties will tear families apart.

I love Thanksgiving. It’s all about gratitude, appreciation, acceptance and love. All feel good emotions that help raise our vibrations.
It’s my favorite holiday of the year and it’s being racked with political strife.

And the negative momentum is building.

What’s a Wingman to do?

How about you stop it before it gets started and declare your Thanksgiving a “No Politics Zone”.  Put a sign up on the front door so everyone knows immediately upon entering, there will be no politics discussed here today.

That’s right. Let’s see if we can get back on the positivity track with our families by focusing on what brings us together instead of what tears us apart.

I understand the vitriol, the venom and the bitterness.
And I’m not saying there’s not reason for it.
There is.

Since the election there has been an explosion of hate crimes.
America is on scary ground right now, and it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better. There’s real fear, real hate and real passion, and it won’t take much to ignite.

All I’m asking, is for you to not let it happen this Thursday while we’re supposed to be finding things to be thankful for. Call a (family) truce and don’t allow this discord to kidnap your holiday feast.

With that in mind, you’ll need something to talk about.

Here are a few Wingman practices to help you keep the conversation moving in a constructive, positive and productive way.

1. The alphabet game. Go around the table, and starting with the letter “A” have each person in succession state something they are thankful for. Move from letter to letter through the alphabet.

2. Pretend it’s Thanksgiving 2017. You’re all together celebrating Thanksgiving again and, in succession, have people identify something that happened this “past” year that made them happy (and they’re not allowed to say Trump was impeached). Go around the table at least 3 times.

3. Take a lesson from the presidential debate and go around the table, each person taking a turn naming one thing they love or respect about the person next to them.

You can do this. I’m not saying it will be easy, but it will be so important in helping each person at your table find the “Thanks” in Thanksgiving.

Who knows, maybe it will even help America heal.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Your Wingman,
Michael

PS… You can practice with me every morning, either on Facebook, at Be Your Own Wingman, on Twitter, @wingmanmichael, or on YouTube, at beyourownwingman.

PSS… If you want to improve your positive energy, increase your level of success, and begin living the life you desire, feel free to contact me for Skype sessions with both Janet, an LCSW and Psychotherapist for the past 20 years, and myself.

I’m coming to you from my hospital room at Fox Chase Cancer Center where I got my kidney biopsied yesterday. Today’s practice is a game I call; “Find the Positive” and I started doing it last night at 2 am when I was unable to sleep.

It may be the most important practice you can ever do. It’s a practice to help you find the good in any situation, no matter how bad, upsetting or undesirable it happens to be.

Why is it so important? Because no matter what is going on in your current reality, the only true predictor of your future is the vibration you are sending out into the universe. You can call it, “You Reap what You Sow”, “Karma”, “Cause and Effect”, or the “Law of Attraction”, the bottom line is the universe will always match your energy and send you back more of the same.

The challenge is that when your present actuality is lousy, it’s easy to focus on the lousy. And if you allow yourself to only see the negatives going on in your life that’s exactly what the universe will return to you, more negatives.

The only way to change your current circumstances is to change the frequency you are emitting.

And that takes practice.

And there is no better place to practice finding positives than in the hospital room I find myself in. I’m here because I had to have my kidney biopsied and it would be very easy to center on the negatives…

Its 2am in the hospital and I’m trying to sleep.

• It’s 2 am and I can’t sleep.
• I have a stent and a catheter and not only feel pain, but also the constant pressure to urinate.
• The maintenance men were fixing the room above mine, and hammering, drilling and sawing until midnight.
• I have a roommate. He may be a nice guy but he’s very hard of hearing and when he’s awake, he keeps asking, “Is someone saying something to me”.
• That is far preferred to when he is sleeping. His snoring could wake the dead.
• I have an IV in my elbow crease and every time I bend my arm the machine behind me beeps like crazy.
• The Wi-Fi isn’t working.

Like I said, it’s easy to see only the negatives, our mind goes there automatically.

It takes work to concentrate on positives, but when you do, they too, seem to multiply.

• I have health insurance.
• I chose this hospital, and contrary to what I said above, it’s excellent.
• I chose my doctor, and he’s fantastic.
• The procedure went exactly as expected.
• My nurse and nurse’s aid are wonderful, helpful and caring.
• The TV works.
• I’m going home tomorrow.
• Most importantly, The results were perfect. I received a clean bill of health. Hallelujah!

That’s right, I am healthy, and that is worth repeating over and over and over. It feels great to say it, and the more I do, the better I feel.

It just takes a little practice.

So if you find yourself in a situation where you’re feeling disappointed, depressed or unhappy, remember the “Wingman Find the Positive” game. And play it like your life depends on it. It just might.

To Your Health,
Michael

Please join me in the practice by clicking below…

PS… You can practice with me every morning, either on Facebook, at Be Your Own Wingman, on Twitter, @wingmanmichael, or on YouTube, at beyourownwingman.

PSS… If you want to improve your positive energy, increase your level of success, and begin living the life you desire, feel free to contact me for Skype sessions with both Janet, an LCSW and Psychotherapist for the past 20 years, and myself.

Today’s blog comes from a YouTube practice I did the other day, and the comments I received from it…

Much of America woke up Wednesday morning appalled, disappointed and embarrassed.

The hangover is over and the nightmare is real.
What started as a joke became a reality, and Donald Trump is now the next President of the United States.

Shocking.

But not really. Because from the very beginning, he was able to make this election about him. And even though he lost the popular vote, America has an electoral process, and he won the nomination.

He is our next President.

For all those not happy with the election results, and there are many, it’s time to get behind him. As I’ve seen mentioned many times, wanting him to fail is like wanting the pilot to crash the plane we are all on.

He is now the leader of our country, and, as he said in his victory speech,

“Now it is time for America to bind the wounds of division, have to get together. To all Republicans and Democrats and Independents across this nation, I say it is time for us to come together as one united people.
It is time. I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be President for all of Americans, and this is so important to me. For those who have chosen not to support me in the past, of which there were a few people, I’m reaching out to you for your guidance and your help so that we can work together and unify our great country.”

The thing is, he’s already started uniting the divisiveness as both Republicans and Democrats have something they finally agree on.

Both sides agree he has major character flaws, can’t believe he is now president elect, and no one, Democrat, Republican or Independent would ever want to have their daughter be alone in a room with him.

And that is why this practice was not easy for me to do.
And I’m guessing it might not be for you either.

To send love to a man who is so unlikeable and has demonstrated such despicable behavior. Talk about getting out of your comfort zone.

I may not fully know the laws of our country, but I do know a bit about the laws of our universe. And hoping he fails, or feeling disgusted, saddened or any other negative emotion about him, will only bring me more to feel negative about.

You see it’s not about Donald Trump.
It’s about me, and it’s about you, and it’s about our country.
That is what makes this practice so important.

Because if you can send love to him, and feel that love, then you will be successful at changing your vibration. And the universe will send you back more love, and more to love.

And we can all use a little more love in our life right now.

Even Donald Trump.
Especially Donald Trump.
The man is stepping into a huge job, and if there is one thing this election has taught me, it’s to not bet against him.

Hopefully he can receive our love, and it can help him rise to the occasion, and grow into the great leader this country needs him to be.

With Much Love,
Michael

Please join me in the practice by clicking below…

PS… You can practice with me every morning, either on Facebook, at Be Your Own Wingman, on Twitter, @wingmanmichael, or on YouTube, at beyourownwingman.

PSS… If you want to improve your positive energy, increase your level of success, and begin living the life you desire, feel free to contact me for Skype sessions with both Janet, an LCSW and Psychotherapist for the past 20 years, and myself.

It started six months ago at a hospital in Bangkok, Thailand. Prior to meeting with a doctor I had to fill out some paperwork, and there it was, the last question on the form before my signature.

Religion____________________.

Seems simple right? And on the other 21,000 days of my life it would have been. I would have written Jewish, signed the paper and moved on.

But that day was different…

I had first visited Thailand in 2014 and what started out as a simple 10-day vacation, turned into a 2-year spiritual journey.

It began with a chance encounter with a Zen Master from South Korea, which blossomed into an ongoing email conversation. After a year of back and forth emails, he suggested meeting again in Thailand. He didn’t have to ask twice.

I went into that meeting not knowing what to expect, what to discuss or why he had asked me.  And my knowledge of Buddhism was rudimentary at best.

What followed was a magnificent four days of learning, laughing and clarity.  For the first three days my wife Jan and I sat with the Zen Master and his interpreter discussing life, karma, perfect emptiness, observing your mind and how our collective actions would lead to peace on earth.  We also shared many belly laughs, as well as his observations on drinking, diet, sexual activity and whether I would need to shave my head in order to be a Monk, (I would).  The education, the spirit, the heart-centered beauty of it all enthralled me.  And it aligned perfectly with my Wingman philosophy.  I was hooked.

On our fourth day together, the Zen Master asked if he could give us a gift, the Three Jewels of Buddhism. His interpreter explained that this gift was about committing one’s life to a path of awakening and bringing liberation and peace to ourselves and to everyone around us. Receiving the Three Jewels in no way requires one to renounce their own religion but offers an opportunity to commit to the principles of taking refuge in the Buddha-the Buddha himself and his principals, the Dharma- the teachings and truths, and the Sangha-the teachers who teach and guide us.

I was moved and honored. As a friend of mine states, attempting to seriously study and live the principals of Buddhism, without accepting the Three Jewels is akin to being a window-shopper, and not really stepping inside. I was done window-shopping. I was ready for more.

I take refuge in the Buddha.
I take refuge in the Dharma.
I take refuge in the Sangha.

And I embraced them.

It’s been 6 months since then, and today, the day after Yom Kippur, the most holy day of the Jewish year,
I’m reexamining the moment of my hesitation over that hospital form, and how it came to be.

Yesterday I revisited the traditions of my Jewish upbringing.  Jan and I went to synagogue in Birmingham, England, as strangers in a strange land.  We were not only accepted, but were invited to participate, break the fast, have dinner and celebrate the New Year.

The kindness and generosity that was shown to us, as strangers, brought me feelings of warmth, love and appreciation.  A feeling of belonging.

Yet as I sit here basking in that sensation, I can’t help but rethink the question on the hospital form.  What is your religion?

Maybe the better question is why someone who grew up Jewish, was a Bar Mitzvah and confirmed, and have always identified with the cultural, social and historical aspects of Judaism, would be open to the idea of Buddhism?

It’s a simple one-word answer. Spiritualism.

It turns out I’m not alone. Thirty percent of all western Buddhists are of Jewish heritage. With such a large influx of people, there’s even a name to identify with these Jewish Buddhists, JuBu’s, or JewBu’s.

As with me, many Jews have longed for a more spiritual component with which we could connect. While there is a deep, spiritual practice through the study of Kabbalah, a mystical component of Judaism, it unfortunately has never been very accessible through our synagogues and/or normal teachings. It’s become more popular as of late, but for many, including me, it’s been “a day late and a dollar short”.

I think what really drew me in though, is not only the internal nature of Buddhism, but also the accepting of all who would like to join. While my Jewish upbringing certainly spoke of helping others, doing good deeds, and performing acts of kindness, it came from an external source.

With Buddhism, the ideas are the same, helping others, doing good deeds and performing acts of kindness, but instead of being commanded to do them, or else, you come to them on your own, by quieting your mind, and finding your purpose from within.

It was that philosophy of mindfulness and meditation that was, and is, so compelling to me. The differences between the two may seem insignificant, but for me it was transformative. I no longer felt the need to perform acts of kindness. I became kindness.

 
The fact that they were so inclusive and did not require me to abandon my Judaism, or compromise many of my beliefs also helped.

There is no way I would have ever “converted”.

Which brings me back to the question of my religion.

There is no question I am Jewish. I practice Judaism and look forward to the traditions and rituals of my people. During this New Year in England I made certain to attend services last week and yesterday, and even kept “the fast”, while repenting, atoning and praying in synagogue.

But I also continue with my Buddhist practices.

I have found much peace, comfort, joy and spiritual connection in my practices, and although I view them more from my “Wingman” vantage point, my philosophy and practices align perfectly with those espoused by the Buddha.

The feeling of Judaism runs deep within me. They are my roots and I love the comfort that comes from having a strong sense of where I came from.

I also love the feeling of my Buddhism. I took those vows seriously. I embrace my opportunity for growth and the expansion of knowing all that I can be. I am also certain that my continued study and practice will impact not just me but the lives I touch.

Jewish roots, Buddhist wings. JewBu.
It’s who I am.

Love your roots, find your wings and have a wonderful year filled with much love and positive energy,

Michael

Btw… the practice I did on Yom Kippur is seen below. It’s one of forgiveness, not just for others but also to forgive yourself. Just say over and over, “I forgive you, and I forgive me” while thinking and feeling about being forgiving, and forgiven.

PS… You can practice with me every morning, either on Facebook, at Be Your Own Wingman, on Twitter, @wingmanmichael, or on YouTube, at beyourownwingman.

PSS… If you want to improve your positive energy, increase your level of success, and begin living the life you desire, feel free to contact me for Skype sessions with both Janet, an LCSW and Psychotherapist for the past 20 years, and myself.

As we exited the Dublin airport at 6am, having been whisked through customs, and given a free Irish breakfast of a shot of Jameson’s whiskey, we were already a little bit in love with Ireland.

Standing at the curbside taxi stand, the driver who pulled up looked like he had come straight from an Irish movie. Cap, scarf, charm and a wonderful accent to boot.

As we drove through the deserted, and still dark, streets of Dublin, our conversation floated between Irish history, architecture, and the details of our trip.

As we explained our house and dog sitting opportunity, along with our love of travel, I offhandedly commented, “Plus, I wouldn’t mind finding some of that luck of the Irish I’ve heard so much about”.
We pulled up to our hotel and as he helped with our luggage, he smiled, looked at me, and said, “You say you’ve been traveling the world, eh?”

I answered yes.

“And now you’re staying in Sutton, Ireland along the Cliff Walks for free?”

Again, I answered yes.

“Well then you don’t need the luck of the Irish, you’re already a Jammy Bastard.”

I must have looked confused because he followed up his comment by saying, “we don’t say luck of the Irish, we say jammy, which means lucky, and a Jammy Bastard takes luck to a whole new level”.

It’s been almost 3 weeks since that auspicious start, and his words have stayed with me. I’ve actually made certain they do by practicing them each and every day.

So whether I’m enjoying the magnificent beauty of the Cliff Walks, or picking up the Great Dane’s monster poops, I say, think, feel and believe, that I’m a Jammy Bastard.

Let me repeat that, I say, think, feel and believe, that I’m a Jammy Bastard.

Is it easier on the Cliff Walks?
Of course it is.

But that’s the game, isn’t it, to not let your situation dictate your emotions.

If you do, then you’re just a victim of circumstance, and have given up your power to create all the success you desire.

Sometimes you get jammy and things go well.

But let’s face it, you and I both know we’re guaranteed more jammy days in our lives when we’re able to create them, rather than hope and wait for a bit of good luck that may or may not come.

And to do that takes practice.

So that’s what I do. I practice.
Everyday.

So whether I’m in the muck, or the money, I make certain to find something positive I can focus on.

And that’s how you become a Jammy Bastard.
To being a Jammy Bastard, long may it last.

Your friend & wingman,
Michael

You can join me, and practice with me right now by clicking here…

PS… You can practice with me every morning, either on Facebook, at Be Your Own Wingman, on Twitter, @wingmanmichael, or on YouTube, at beyourownwingman.

PSS… If you want to improve your positive energy, increase your level of success, and begin living the life you desire, feel free to contact me for Skype sessions with both Janet, an LCSW and Psychotherapist for the past 20 years, and myself.

I’ve been thinking, hearing and reading about many different ways that people allow fear to control their lives.

Maybe it’s because Jan and I are staying in Sutton, Ireland, a suburb of Dublin, and I’ve been very focused on the fact that for us to get around easily, I’m going to have to drive a car with a manual transmission, operating the stick shift with my left hand, from the “passenger” side of the car, while driving on the “opposite” side of the road.

Driving in Ireland.

Not that I have to. There is a train stop about 2 miles from us.
And a bus that stops only a few blocks away.

On the scale of “fear”, this is a pretty minor one.

But like any fear, no matter how small, it grows larger when we allow it to.
And then, it takes over our lives.

Yes, fear of driving may be seemingly insignificant to you, and even to me, but I assure you there are many who have allowed that fear to keep them stuck in one place.

And that’s a “minor” fear.

How about those who have a fear of failure?
Or death? Or rejection? Or ridicule? Or loneliness? Or pain?
I was even just reading about people who live in fear of the unknown.

How about the fear of flying, or public speaking, or heights?
Or the fear of intimacy, or commitment?

Are we getting a little closer to home now?

I have a client who wouldn’t leave her home, and another who wouldn’t let her husband, whom she loves very much, touch her.

And don’t even get me started on spiders or snakes?

How about you? Do you have any unusual fears?
Have you ever let your fear stop you from doing something you wanted to do?

What is it about fear, that so many of us enable it to run our lives?
And more importantly, how do we stop it, and take back our control?

First off, let’s make sure we’re on the same page as to what fear is.

Fear is an emotion. A feeling. It is caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm. It is a vital response to physical and emotional danger, if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats.

But what is a legitimate threat? And who gets to decide that?

Oftentimes, our fears develop over time from our childhood and/or from traumatic experiences. And without even realizing it, we start holding back, playing it safe. We build a wall around ourselves so as to avoid failure, embarrassment, ridicule, pain, death and even success.

I believe it’s at that point we stop living.
I further believe it’s our responsibility to recognize, confront, and ultimately conquer our fears.

So how do we stop allowing our fears from extorting the joy, happiness, and excitement from our lives? How do we stop existing, and start living?

At the risk of being called simplistic, I have a very easy 2 step answer.

Step one is we challenge ourselves to overcome our fears.

“Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory”.
General George S. Patton

If you want to change your life, change your energy. And there is no better energy, or vibration, to be sending out into the universe, than that of being victorious.

Step two is to practice.
And the way I practice is by repetition.

I create my own wingman practices to change my belief about any obstacle that is preventing me from achieving that which I want to achieve.

And once I believe I can, I can.

“A belief is only a thought I keep thinking”. Abraham-Hicks

I practice the thought I want to turn into a belief.
And I practice it over and over and over again.
Every day for at least one minute.
Until I believe it.

And today, I’m practicing living fearlessly.

You can join me in my practice by clicking here…

Have a Fearless Day,

Michael

PS… You can practice with me every morning, either on Facebook, at Be Your Own Wingman, on Twitter, @wingmanmichael, or on YouTube, at beyourownwingman.